tacos? public broadcasting?!

Now, you could spend that hundred dollars on tacos, but money doesn't go as far as it used to. The days of a hundred tacos for a hundred dollars are long past. Why don't you instead do your part for America by becoming a member of Team USA? When you become a member of Team USA, you are there with me in the shop, there with me standing in line to get through the metal detector, there with me trying to remember whether my credit card covers damage to rental cars, there with me when I crest those mountain passes, and there with me in my triumph when I mop the floor at the race. To show my appreciation, I offer a collection of lovely member gifts.

If you join Team USA at the ten dollar level, you'll receive a lovely postcard depicting something Swiss.

If you join us at the twenty dollar level, you'll receive a lovely genuine Swiss chocolate bar. Trust me it tastes better from Switzerland.

If you join at the fifty dollar level, you'll get a bottle of Swiss wine. I can hear you now. "Why haven't I ever heard of Swiss wine?" you ask. "Is it any good?" Well, let this statistic answer your question: "Nearly all the national production is drunk within the national boundaries; less than 2% of the wine is exported (mainly to Germany)."

Anything on this list may be substituted for awesome mystery souvenirs of similar value or for a special request. Switzerland has rad surplus stores. (Oh you want Philippe Patek? LOLLOOLLOLLOLL let's see if that check clears, buddy.)

Yeah! Now here's a look at the USDA Prime Cut of Patriotism you're supporting (click for full size):